We finally have it. A XXXchurch book for WOMEN and a XXXchurch book for MEN. These officially hit stores September 1 but we have instant downloads of the PDF available NOW for only $10 bucks. We have small group kits as well. Check out www.eyesofintegrity.com to purchase. Here is a bit about each book.

It’s the Sunday of the Big Game and it generates HUGE numbers. But despite the dollars and ratings generated by America’s largest sports spectacle, there are numbers even more staggering: 40 million Americans visit porn sites daily, 47% of Christians said pornography is a major problem in the home, and porn revenue is LARGER than the combined revenues of ALL professional football, baseball and basketball franchises!

Join us on to strengthen your community, equip your church, empower people to battle America’s dirty little secret of pornography.

In addition to tons of great resources to equip you and your church to confront the elephant in the pew, this year we’re including the opportunity to be part of a Virtual Simulcast. Download a half hour video message with me (Craig Gross) along with a few of our friends in the NFL.

Register your church for FREE @ www.pornsunday.com

Find out what churches are by clicking on the map on this PAGE

Here is the trailer for the event:

2011 Porn Sunday Trailer Promo from XXXchurch on Vimeo.

Note: This was a note that I penned for a blog that I do for single women in preparation for marital covenant. I think some of you might appreciate a few things that I discovered. Please know that you all remain in my prayers...as we all continue this quest towards holistic purity. SRW

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It’s not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper who is like him.’”---Genesis 2:18 (GMLT)

Hey Ministers-in-Training,

Are you waiting to be called to a fast? ME TOO.  I thought it would’ve happened by now. I simply haven’t felt a release from the Comforter (John 14:26-AMP) yet. HOWEVER, I do have a bit of an assignment for us. You’ll need a fresh journal for it.

In my own personal quest, curiosity, desire to have a “Back to the Garden of Eden Covenant”, I have been spending quite a bit of time researching the origin of things; the original translations of Scripture…what may have been lost over time as people play, what I call, the “Scripture Gossip Game”: one person tells one thing about a verse, someone else tells another and so forth…until we end up losing clarity of what the verses of the Bible really meant.

This week, the two words that the Comforter has been having me focus on are “make” and “helper”. This is why the message is entitled in the way that it is. EZER KENEGDO (pronounced Ee-zur Ken-egg-doe/dough) are the two words in the Hebrew Language for HELP MEET; yet, my research has shown me that it’s pretty hard to directly translate. And because of that, I believe, a lot of wives (and wives in training) are not fully cognizant of the miraculous role that they are to play in their marriages.

An ‘ezer is something we all need. Yahweh ‘Ezer is Hebrew for “Lord our Helper”. That, right there, should give us a lot of peace…and clarity of purpose because the Lord basically said he would make someone, not just comparable to Adam, but also someone like the Lord himself…someone to do something similar to what he does. Have you ever looked up the kind of help that Yahweh ‘Ezer provides? You might want to do a study on it some time. I know something that I have been “on pause” about this week is how the Lord is referenced in Psalm 33:20 and 115:9-11: A HELP AND SHIELD. A shield protects, eh? Other studies stated that ‘ezer can also mean “to rescue” or “to save”. TO RESCUE AND SAVE.

Moving on…

Kenegdo? My research tells me that it basically means to be equal, counterpart or alongside.      

Put these two would together and if there was a simplified way of explaining the role, it would be LIFESAVER; someone who can be alongside Adam in the role of protecting, rescuing, saving…HELPING. That would be a lifesaver, indeed.

OK. Now, we all know (or at least should) that no one is a person’s Savior but Christ. Any kind of implication of being a “human savior” is not what these two words are trying to convey…nor am I. However, based on all of this information, I do want you to take note of how POWERFUL a wife is. How PIVOTAL her role is. The PURPOSE for why she was created in the first place.

And why you need a new journal.

As I’ve been dialoguing with a lot of women, both married and single, regarding marriage, one thing that doesn’t seem to be focused on nearly as much as it should is the SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY that a female covenant partner is to have. Yet, I think Ezer Kenegdo explains it brilliantly. When the Lord gave us dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:26-31), that was not just a role for Adam; that was an instruction for mankind: MAN AND WOMAN. The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, decided that it’s not “morally excellent”, “right”, “honorable”, “favorable”, “RESPONSIBLE”, “healthful”, “BENEFICIAL”, “advantageous”, “CLEVER”, “sufficient”, “financially sound or safe” (hmph), “in good standing” for a man to be alone. However, to be good for a man, you must be good for yourself (eh hem).

Hmph. No wonder King Solomon reminded us that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). No wonder covenant marriage, the bond between a MAN and a WOMAN (Matthew 19:6) is attacked in the relentless manner that it is. Anything that’s “good” in the site of the Lord, the Liar (John 8:44) works overtime to defile. And so, with all of that said, here’s the journal project for this week:

1)  Seek the Lord on what areas you can improve as an Ezer Kenegdo. Cause the truth is, whether married or not, you are a woman. The Lord can use you to rescue, to save, to help, right now. Also, take a moment to see how you’re helping. I often say that because we’re created to help man, we’re either helping him to heaven or helping him to hell. Love is godly help. Lust is demonically-based assistance. In this life, there are wives and there are prostitutes (I Corinthians 6). Which are you?

2)  Focus on the word “make” for awhile. Some of us long to be joined to our covenant partner. Yet, because things are done decently and in order (I Corinthians 14:40), we must understand that before things can be given, they must be made. In context to this message, one definition is “preparing in a certain way”. Another (and I love this one!)? TO BE ASSURED OR CONFIDENT OF SUCCESS. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Ecclesiastes 3:14 (NKJV): “I know that whatever God does, it shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him.” A covenant is certainly El Berith, the God of Covenant’s, doing. For some of us, the “delay” is that he is not yet confident of the union’s success…yet. There’s some more “making” that has to be done. Yes, I’m sure this is the case when it comes to the man and the woman, but to be honest with you, lately, at least as it relates to me, because the Bible says that the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord so that she can be holy in body and spirit (I Corinthians 7:34), I’m not too concerned about what my future partner is doing. That’s not to be my priority right now. I want the Lord to be confident that I will be a successful woman…a successful wife will follow.

I want you to know that you all remain in my prayers. If there is something you have as a specific request, feel free to let me know. In the meantime, be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6-7). More and more, I’m coming to see that Elohim has things far more under control than I tend to give him credit for AND that he has more faith in me than I tend to give him credit for.

After all, he created me to be an Ezer Kenegdo. Who wouldn’t be proud of that?!?

I wrote THIS back on January 18th 2006. Bill gets out in less then 2 months. We have stayed in touch with him over the years and are happy to see him when he gets out.

Here is an email from Bill, who I met this weekend in Ohio. We just interviewed him on this weeks podcast, so check that out. Please pray for Bill and his family.

This is the end of Porn Blvd. ....Craig

My first time I was introduced to porn was when I was about 11. My friend who lived down the street who was the same age, was apparently allowed to have it. He lived with his mom, and in his room there was porn all over the place. It was never hidden, so I would believe that his mom had to know. And since his dad was no where to be found, where else would he be getting it from? Anyways, I had already been masturbating since I was 7 or so, not really knowing why, but I was. When i first saw this porn at my friends house, I was instantly hooked. I was practically living over is house, just so I could be around it constantly, and when I couldn't be there, I would "borrow" it and take it home and hide it. Porn changed my whole perception on what the world was really like. It made me think that all men and women were put on this earth for my pleasure. Being exposed to porn at such an early age, made drastic changes in my life, all for the bad of course! When I was 14 or so, I got my first computer. Back then it was BBS websites, nothing like it is today, but I was still seeking porn, or people. And I was still masturbating atleast 2-3 times a day. When I got to be about 16, and I got my first car, I would find myself picking up the free newspapers and looking for the porn ads and calling them, porn was in my head 24/7. I began "dating", but all it really was was picking up anyone I could just to have sex with them, and then rushing home to look at porn and mmasturbate again. My need for porn was out of control, even at the age of 17. After awhile, just the "normal" porn wasn't good enough. I was seeking more taboo subjects, or people. I would look at people and never think,oh they are nice people, I would look at them and sexualize them in my mind, just like I had seen in the porno's. I went to college and when I graduated, I began a career as a corrections officer. I passed all the tests with flying colors, I thought it was funny how I hid my addiction and now I was working for a police department! When I was 22 or so, I got the real internet as it exists today. Between cyber sex, porn sites, and emails, I could not get enough! Somewhere along the line, my porn addiction dipped into the child pornography. As I have told many people, the child pornography, to me, was never about sex. It was just another image to feed my addiction. I never talked to a underage person, or tried to meet an underage person, as we so frequently hear these days. But I did view and trade with other people child porn. I knew I had a problem and prayed to God to help me. And He did! I am currently awaiting sentencing on Feb. 3, 2006 in US Federal Court for possesion and distribution of child porn. And I am grateful!!!! I am facing some serious time in prison, but I am not bitter in the least. It's not like you can ask God to fix something under your terms, this is what He wants, and I will do as He asks. I have been using your monitoring program for about 2 months now, it is awesome, and I'm so grateful that you provide it free, since I am financially in ruins due to my pending incarceration. I went to my 12-step meeting this morning (saturday) and found out that your group will be coming to Willoughby Hills, Ohio next weekend, and I am anxious to go! I wish there was a way, I could help people realize just how horrible it really can get. I so grateful for people like you willing to make a stand and try to help others.

See you next week!

Bill

Here is a follow up email after our meeting!

I have been anxiously awaiting your email. I know you are very busy, so I just waited, and prayed that you would remember me. I would definetly be willing to share my story with your show, but if we could schedule it maybe for next wed.?..  I think I told you before about my mother in law who is dying of stage 4 cancer, Beth (my wife) and I have been at the Cleveland Clinic almost all of yesterday, and we just came home today with her mom, so we are very very tired. Not to mention, I have to work tonight, but in no means am I trying to get out of it. I would love to share my story. In fact, last sunday night I went back to the church for their Victory Over Porn Celebration, and I got up in front of about 400 absolute strangers and told them how pornography has effected my life. I even went as far as telling them about my role and future consequences of my viewing of child pornography. The people there were blown away, because I was so candid. I know societies view on "people like me" who view child pornography, but as I told you before, I feel God has answered my prayers for help, and I am not ashamed of telling others, if I can help them go down the road I have. I was so nervous getting up in front of the congregation, I really wanted to, but I was afraid/nervous. I said a small prayer to God, asking him if he really wanted me to talk, I would, and the next thing you know, I was standing in line to speak! As I told you before, and I like to make this clear, because I am not trying to minimize my victims, but I do not have direct victims. I never tried to meet a child under 18, nor did I ever talk to someone under 18. I just ad this because I feel it is important. I am going to be labeled a sexual offender through my sentencing, and in today's society a sex offender is a child rapist, or a potential child abducter. I can't help what society feels, but I can only act as my own model for what I know I am, and am not. Sorry to be rambling on, but I am so happy to hear from you. When I was finished speaking, I felt this awesome power come over me, and it could only be the power of God, I have no other opinion on it. With out your awesome group coming to that church, I would have never expierienced it. THANK YOU! Many people came up to me afterwards and said they would pray for me, not to mention how they were amazed at my candidness. But I told them the same thing I told you. If I can help just one person from going through what I have then it's all worth it, and hopefully, they can gain an attraction to God, like I have, because without God, nothing is possible. I want you to know, I truly appreciate you personally talking to me, and emailing me. I now I keep saying it, but I am truly grateful to meet you! My wife and I are going through a terrible time, but we are blessed by awesome family and friends. As I said before, Beth's mom is not well and needs 24hr. care. She is on a feeding tube, and will never eat or drink anything again. She had a tumor in her esophagus to her stomach, and all of it was removed in I believe August of 2005, and was doing very well until December of 2005, when she was rediagnosed. The cancer had came back to her throat, and then she shoulders, tailbone, and an adreanal gland. Her time with us is very limited, according to her doctor. We are doing what we can for her, she lives with us, and we have her under hospice care as well. We take it one day at a ime with her. My wife's employer has been wonderful throughout all of this.Beth is an insurance agent. She had taken all of her sick time and vacation time to care for her mom. Once her time was gone, she was taking time off without pay, but her employer, through the Grace of God, has paid her for that time, just recently. The girls that work in her office have also volunteered for the last three weeks, to make dinners for us, and from what I understand it is still continuing. The dinners have been such a blessing since Beth's mom is so sensitive to smells and what not, it makes it hard to cook in our home. As I told you when I met with you last saturday, I used to be a correction officer for a local police department. As soon as I was under investigation, I  lost my job. This was a huge financial impact. Since June of 2004 when I first became under investigation, I've sold my home and moved into a mobile home. It is alot smaller, than what I had, but I'm not complaining. My attorney has taken any and all of any savings I had. To do it all again, I would have not gotten this attorney, he has taken about $45,000 so far. He is good at what he does, but just kind of pricey. I appreciate your concern for my wife and I and our situation, financially, emotionally, and others. I am not asking for anything, but my chance to help you spread my story, and help other's. Prayers are always welcome. I hope that I don't go to prison, but if I do, I would still want to stay in contact with you, and do whatever I can! I would appreciate the gentleman from Cleveland if he wanted to come in support on Feb. 3rd. My sentencing is at 10am. He can email me or call me, or him and I can meet as well. Craig, anytime you want to call me please feel free to do so. I'm still smiling from ear to ear just from hearing from you! And I would love to share with you on your show, just this wednesday is not a good day.

We will have people there with Bill and his family on February 3rd....
Craig

In a few weeks I will be heading to the mountains with my family on vacation. We are going to be traveling the back roads in the mountains to see the things we normally miss and get off the beaten path. As we travel these roads just as I have done in the past I know that I will see signs telling me about dangerous curves ahead and to slow down. This is just a friendly warning from state officials because of accidents that have happened in the past.

When it comes to recovery we are always worried about relapse. I get questions all the time asking how to control or stop the urges. I say its hard to stop the urges because we are born with them but we can control our actions. Here is something that sounds silly but I believe for someone this may work. Get online and find a picture of the road sign for dangerous curves and make it your computers background picture or print it out and tape it somewhere near your computer. Use this as a warning that what you are about to do or what you may do is dangerous to your recovery. Slow down and get yourself together. Call a friend , pray do something to redirect your feelings. As I have said before God will not put you in a situation that you cannot get out of. There is always an escape. "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV).

In short, Don’t let the dangerous curves of the internet wreck your recovery.

Steve Oh
LoveJesus.LovePeople

The Bible says "Confess your sin and you will prosper. Conceal your sin and you will not prosper."

We added a sidebar on the XXXchurch site if you scroll down you will see something that says "Recent Confessions". Everyday people send in confessions to XXXchurch. We hope this serves as on of the first steps that people take in getting rid of the sin in their life. The next step we would suggest is to share this with a friend, not just complete strangers.

One of the things about porn is it makes you feel like you are all alone. If you are struggling, we hope you see that is a lie. There are almost 4,000 confessions on the site of people (MEN, WOMEN, SPOUSES, PASTORS, TEENS) just like you that are struggling.

You can see the latest confessions on the side of the home page as well as on the CONFESSIONS page or on all the get help pages there is a link.

I just read this one right now and love the fact that he said he is going to God. God is faithful to forgive us.

I have always been a very passionate person. If I am going to do something then I put all I am, all I have into it. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. Being passionate comes very natural to me. Regardless of your character or temperament, we all have things we are passionate about. What makes you pound the table with your fist? What stirs your emotions inside? What motivates you to take action?

I am not passionate about attending porn shows or holding conferences on porn but I am passionate about people, especially hurting people.That motivates me to go to porn shows, hand out Bibles and meet with pastors about helping people inside and outside of their buildings walls.

I have spent a lot of time praying and going over this vision that has been set out for Canada. I will be up front and say it has been overwhelming all too often. So many people to reach, so few resources.

Last month I had the privilege of finally meeting Craig Gross, who started this whole thing called XXXchurch. I shared a bit with him about how limited I felt. Canada does not have the mega-churches with mega-budgets that they have in the US, or half the population for that matter. He told me something very wise, he said all it takes is one passionate person. He told me about a church plant that is sponsoring the New York porn show and the plant isn't even a year old yet. Those are people passionate about reaching out.

This brings me to my original question then, what are you passionate about? If you are passionate about people then we need you. We need prayer warriors, we need fundraisers, we need team members. If you are passionate about people then we have a place for you. God has given you talents – use them. Don't let fear or finances stand in the way of allowing God to use you. You won't regret it.

July 18, 2010 marked the beginning of Team XXXchurch as we completed the Vineman 70.3 half Ironman Triathlon. Many months ago the idea was fresh and untested - would it work for a organization battling porn to break into the endurance world to raise funding and awareness? Absolutely YES! This last week our team, made up primarily of men who had no previous connection to the ministry, raised over $12,000 and completed a 70.3 mile triathlon. Our goal was to raise awareness to the ministry and to raise funds for the ministry.

As Sunday morning neared 6AM our team arrived and prepared for the event. We were all wearing our new team jersey's and ready to fight the battle in front of us. In each wave members of our 8 man team started the journey standing tall for an organization we all believe impacts a forgotten segment of the world. There were a number of times during the race that I reflected on the battle many face each every day to stay free or to break free from the world of pornogrpahy. Having attended a number of porn shows with XXXchurch, the desperate eyes of the so many women caught in the world of porn inspired me to press ahead.

After the swim and the ride I was running the final 13.1 miles when I connected with a man out on the street. He asked me (as he ran past me) what X3 stood for and I briefly explained the mission of XXXchurch. He yelled back, "I thought that might be you guys!" I believe that as we do more events we will see an increase in participation by people we have never known or touched. In my mind, the Vineman 70.3 is just the first event of many.

We had amazing individual sponsors who jumped on board and supported the team as well as a number of companys. We are thankful to all of them, including: Safe Eyes, Internet Safety, Bridgeway Christian Church, Electrical Design, Simms Chiropractic, William Baker Law Offices, Synergy Brokerage, and HeartSupport.com.

Check out our Flickr pictures and sign up today for one of our events coming up...Thanks Team, you all did an amazing job!

We created some great graphics for you to post on your site, blog and anywhere online for different types of addiction. Sex, Food, Internet, Substances and Money are all available HERE on the heartsupport site. Below is the sex addiction one. Spread the word.

Source Sex Addiction

“Marriage is honorable in every respect; and, in particular, sex within marriage is pure. But God will indeed punish fornicators and adulterers.”---Hebrews 13:4 (JNTP)

“Sex without love is violence.”---Eric Jerome Dickey


Head’s up: Certainly, this is more of a “preventative measure message” for those who are single (and no matter what, you are single if you are not married). However, I would encourage married people to read this, too; especially if you had sex before marriage. It’s not going to be the most comfortable ride, but it may provide some clarity on how to confess (James 5:16), pray and be reconciled re: your relationship now.

“These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one.”---I Corinthians 2:13-15 (NKJV)


Several weeks ago, I was talking to someone about her daughter who is a young, single mom. She said something that was, what I call, “commonly jarring”. In reference to her daughter’s relationship with her “baby’s daddy”, the mother said, “I’m praying that he can get himself [spiritually] together. They’ve already had sex. Why not try and work it out?”

Let the games begin.

On this side of abstinence, I can’t believe just how…blasphemous (bold, irreverent, nervy, out-of-line, profane, sacrilegious, ungodly) I find premarital sex to be; how blasphemous I was in the partaking of the act. I mean, I’ve always known it was wrong. My Mama told me that. Yet, just yesterday, my mom and I were talking about how much of a disservice many of us are doing to those around us re: how sex affects, not just our bodies, but our minds and hearts as well. How beautiful it is within covenant. How destructive it is without.

I wonder what life would be like if we all were taught to memorize, out the gate (since birth), the following Scripture: “Don’t you know that your bodies are part of the Messiah? So, am I to take parts of the Messiah and make them parts of a prostitute? Heaven forbid! Don’t you know that a man who joins himself to a prostitute becomes physically one with her? For the Tanakh says, ‘The two will become one flesh;’ but the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit. Run from sexual immorality! Every other sin, a person commits is outside of the body, but the fornicator sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is the temple for the Ruach Hakodesh who lives inside of you, whom you received from God. The fact is, you don’t belong to yourselves; for you were bought with a price. So use your bodies to glorify God.”---I Corinthians 6:15-20 (JNTP)

I am pulling this from the Jewish New Testament and so for those who may not know, “Tanakh” is the Hebrew word for the Hebrew Scriptures which were divided into three divisions: the Torah, the Prophets and the Writings…or as some Christians would consider to simply call it the Old Testament. “Ruach Hakodesh” is a Hebrew word meaning, “Divine Spirit” or “Divine Inspiration”…the Holy Spirit. I have mentioned many times before that I love how the Message Version translates I Corinthians 6:16 as well: “Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.” If for no other reason, the Holy Spirit dwelling within you makes sex a spiritual mystery. And here is where I will begin this message.

When it comes to teaching the purpose of sex in marital covenant and/or the reason why it should remain there, I think that one word that should be focused on more is TEMPLE. Our bodies are temples.

Temple: an edifice or place dedicated to the service or worship of a deity or deities; any of the three successive houses of worship in Jerusalem in use by the Jews in Biblical times, the first built by Solomon, the second by Zerubbabel, and the third by Herod; an edifice erected as a place of public worship; a church, esp. a large or imposing one; any place or object in which God dwells, as the body of a Christian

And, while the following definition refers, specifically, to those of the Mormon faith, I think it’s fitting for this message: “a building devoted to administering sacred ordinances, principally that of eternal marriage”

We are a place where the Lord dwells. I wonder how many of us really get that.

While Christ was on the earth, he spent a significant amount of time in temples; especially to teach (Luke 19:47, Luke 21:37). Already that provides some perspective, doesn’t it? The Amplified Version of John 14:26 tells us, “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you” and Luke 12:12 (NKJV) states, “For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”

The Holy Spirit dwells within us to teach us, as I Corinthians 2:13-15 states, SPIRITUAL THINGS. He’s inside of us to comfort us, counsel us, help us, intercede for us, advocate for us, strengthen us…and be our standby. That, right there, should already give you a clue as to why the Liar (John 8:44) wants to “get in” any way that he can. Why would you think the devil would want you to learn (or retain) anything? Especially anything that would build up your spirit man (Romans 8:9).

More and more, Yahweh Hoseena, the Lord our Maker, has been showing me how little what the devil does re: me has to actually do with me. In the Lord’s eyes, we are tools; in Satan’s we are pawns. I can only imagine how the Liar must feel about something as sacred, as precious, as powerful…as holy (I Peter 1:13-16) as the Holy Spirit living within me. And so, it would only make sense that he would do what he could to try and drive that spirit out; to desecrate my temple.

And so, being that the Holy Spirit dwells here and yet, obviously, he doesn’t mind dwelling (teaching) while two married people are engaged in a “spiritual mystery moment” (I Corinthians 7:5)…should it not be a given that sexual intimacy, between two covenant temples, is an act of worship? It’s not taught and/or reiterated nearly as much as it should be, but it was Theotes, the Godhead, that created sex. None of us would know about it---including the Liar himself---if they had not introduced us to the concept (Genesis 2:24-25). So, being that husbands and wives are strongly consulted (2 Timothy 3:16-17) to not deprive one another from the act…being that sex, in some ways, similar to baptism (I think), is an outward display of a personal commitment…being that it plays a significant part in making “two one”...being that two can put ten thousand to flight and two can withstand the attacking of one (Ecclesiastes 4:12)…being that SEX IS SPIRITUAL and “God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth” (John 4:24), yes, sexual intimacy must be treated with reverent honor and adoring regard. One definition of “worship” is “the reverent love and devotion accorded to a sacred object”. Another? “The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed”.

Hmph. I wonder how much sex would change if every time it took place, it was honored as a ceremony of expressing godly love. After all, when people get married, they have a ceremony, right? A solemn rite takes place. Why would that be a “deeply earnest” experience, but the ability to (fellas) enter into the temple of your wife not be seen in the same light?

The fact is, it should.

Many years ago, the artist Prince wrote a song entitled, “Thieves in the Temple”. Being that sex is an act of worship when it comes to marital covenant, you can best believe that the Liar is going to do all that he can to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) that beautiful and PURPOSEFUL experience. He doesn’t support anything that El Berith, the God of Covenant, has joined together (Matthew 19:6).

And so, in walks fornication and adultery.

Matthew 21:12-17 speaks of a time when Christ went into a temple and drove out all of those who were using it for the wrong reasons. “And He said to them, ‘It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a ‘den of thieves.’” (verse 13) Now here’s the thing about a thief: it is someone who steals (something that the Eighth Commandment---Exodus 20:15 tells us not to do). However, a thief usually does it “secretly” or “without open force”.

When I public speak on sex, I sometimes say, “When a couple goes away on their honeymoon, what do you assume happened?” Prayerfully, those folks had sex…and plenty of it. And why should it be a secret? They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t steal anything. It’s a rightful act for married people. So, if you’re currently engaged in a sexual relationship that you are covering up, yeah…you have a thief (or perhaps even thieves) in your temple. The Liar probably has you calling it, “keeping the relationship private”. The truth (John 8:32)? You’re rolling around in darkness. Remember, Adam and the Woman were naked…AND NOT ASHAMED. And we are called to be the light of the world (Matthew 5:14):”Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.’” (John 8:12-NKJV) Darkness is not a part of a disciple’s life. Sex is nothing to be on the “hush hush” about when it’s within the Father’s will and design.

What the Lord revealed to me today is that when you engage in sex outside of covenant, it’s a lot like being one of the “false teachers”, in the Church, that the Word warns us about:

“But these, like natural brute beasts made to be caught and destroyed, speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption, and will receive the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children.

They have forsaken the right way and gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness; but he was rebuked for his iniquity: a dumb donkey speaking with a man’s voice restrained the madness of the prophet.

These are wells without water, clouds carried by a tempest, for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever.”---2 Peter 2:12-17 (NKJV)

I have a friend who hates it when I say, “In the Bible, when it comes to sexual activity, you are either considered a ‘prostitute’ or a ‘wife’.” But him not liking it doesn’t make it any less true. However, I see why this is the case in a different fashion now. Some prostitutes have sex for money; others “willingly use his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way”. Either way, “A prostitute is as dangerous as a deep pit, and an unfaithful wife is like a narrow well.” (Proverbs 23:27-NCV)

A couple of months ago, a spiritual sistah of mine (thanks Candice) purchased an “I Love My Husband” t-shirt for me. I am not (yet) married, but he who finds a wife finds a good thing, right? (Proverbs 18:22) How much can a man trust me if I don’t care enough to submit to the Lord’s will for my life? EVEN NOW, IF I ENGAGED IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY, I AM BEING AN UNFAITHFUL WIFE. I am not keeping myself holy and sacred for my future husband.

This is one of the reasons why it baffles me how much we rush fornicating relationships into a covenant. I was also telling someone yesterday that when I was molested, it would have been very unhealthy to remain in a close spiritual/emotional/physical space with the one who was abusing (abnormally using) me. He took advantage of my temple. He had an authoritative role, which made him a false teacher. I’ve been one as well. The Bible refers to the Church family as “brothers and sisters” (James 2:15). Marriage is what makes a brother and sister, husband and wife. I wrote a piece a couple of years ago called, “Spiritual Incest”. When you engage in fornication or adultery, you are sleeping with your spiritual brother or sister. You violate them. You’ve trespassed into their temple. You partook in spiritual incest. You were the victimizer and victim of sexual abuse. Now why should marriage be the “cure” for that?’

Why would such a destructive thing not be treated in a similar fashion, spiritually, of those who have been sexual violated in other ways? There needs to be repentance and forgiveness, yes. HOWEVER, there also needs to be distance. There needs to be counsel. There needs to be a realignment of boundaries. There needs to be healing. I think a big part of the reason why the divorce rate within the Church is as high of that within the world (very, very sad) is that we “force” two broken people together thinking it will make them whole. Again, sex is not just a physical act, but a spiritual mystery.

And yes, I am more than aware of what Paul said in I Corinthians 7:8-9 (NJTP): “Now to the single people and the widows I say that it is fine to remain single like me; but if they can’t exercise self-control, they should get married; because it is better to get married than to keep burning with sexual desire.” But I am also aware that people do not read these two verses together nearly as much as they should.

A couple of years ago, when I took a Spiritual Gifts Test, I laughed (and took a huge sigh of relief) when I saw that I tested very low in the Gift of Celibacy. A Paul, in that way, I am not. You see, Paul was not saying that if you’re in a relationship where you’re fornicating, you should hurry up and marry the person to “right your wrong”. ONLY REPENTANCE DOES THAT (Luke 13:3). He was saying that if you are not comfortable being a single person and not having sex, marriage is probably for you. Because after all, IF YOU DON’T DESIRE TO GET MARRIED, YOU MUST NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX, EH? SEX IS FOR MARRIED PEOPLE ONLY.

Yet, we must remember what Christ himself said about marriage:

“But Jesus said, "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it."---Matthew 19:11-12 (Message)

Sex is a part of marriage. The truth is that not everyone is mature enough to have sex…but if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of sex, do it.

Earlier this week, I wrote a note to the women who are a part of the “On Fire” movement that the Comforter led me to start awhile back. I was telling them about how shook I was once I really got that it’s not good for man to be alone. FOR A MAN TO BE ALONE. A man is someone who is not a boy…he is someone who is mature. Paul said in I Corinthians 13:11 that when he was a child, HE UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD, but when he became a man, HE PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS. I have enclosed the link to the note below. You might be surprised what some of the synonyms of “childish” are:

http://onfirefastmovement.blogspot.com/2010/07/on-fire-man-of-god.html

One is “marked by or indicating a lack of maturity”; to be “puerile”. To be “puerile” is to be “childishly foolish”, “immature” and “trivial”. I Peter 2:11 (NKJV) states, “Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.” It’s a rough word but Proverbs 30:17 (NKJV) tells us, “The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.” If you were raised that fornication is wrong (and if you are a parent now, THAT IS YOUR JOB TO DO—Ephesians 6:4), as an adult, the Word says that is something that you should not be departing from (Proverbs 22:6). CHILDREN REBEL. ADULTS ADHERE. Spiritual maturity tells us that we have a mission to present ourselves as honorable before the nonbeliever. Cause really, why would they honor sex if we are dishonoring it? And for a lot of us, DISHONORING THEM BY HAVING SEX WITH THEM.

Thieves in the temple.

Fornication is a spiritually immature act. Marriage is not for people who fornicate. Marriage is for mature Christians; disciples who abide in the Word of Yahweh, the covenant-keeping God (John 8:31). The truth is that there are a lot of marriages that are suffering right now and it’s because, I believe, they did not receive this kind of counsel. They were in a sexual relationship and their counsel, in effort to also “keep the sin hidden” advised, “Well, if you can’t keep your hands off of each other, just get married so that it will be right in the sight of the Lord.” LUST IS NEVER RIGHT IN THE SIGHT OF THE LORD (I John 2:16). NEITHER IS A LUST-MOTIVATED DECISION. The lead verse for today says that the Lord punishes fornicators and adulterers. There is a reaping that comes even if/when you marry the person you engaged in fornication with; there is a reaping that comes if/when you marry the person committed adultery with. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7-9). His Word accomplishes just what it pleases (Isaiah 55:11).

Some people are wondering what is going on in their marriages right now. They are simply in their reaping season. The Word tells us that fleshly lusts war against the soul. War is “active hostility”, “contention” and “conflict”. Psalm 19:7 (NKJV) tells us that, “The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” One of the Lord’s commands?

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.”---I Thessalonians 4:3-6 (NKJV)

Nonbelievers do not know God. So they act like it. One of these actions is to partake in lust. But do you see how the Word says that when we do, we take advantage of and defraud our brother? AND that the Lord is the avenger of such acts? To “avenge” means “to inflict a punishment or penalty in return for” an action; in this case, a choice that is not within his will.

That’s not to say the Lord cannot restore (Joel 2:25). Psalm 34:22 (NKJV) tells us, “The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.” I know of several couples who had sex before marriage and are being restored. However, restoration is a process. To “restore” is “to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition”; to “reestablish”; “to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor”. Psalm 127:1 (NKJV) states, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” When I think of the FEW people in my world who WAITED until marriage to have sex with one another, this verse comes to mind: “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” (Proverbs 13:4-NKJV) You think it’s easy to desire someone, to perhaps even be engaged, but choose to wait to fulfill the Lord’s purpose for sex? IT. AIN’T. It takes lots of self-control…lots of hard work…lots of diligence. Yet, when one takes the “lazy way out”, by doing things Satan’s way rather than the Lord’s…indeed, they do “labor in vain”; they put energy into something that often ends up being “ineffectual” or “without real significance, value or importance”…because when you put the gift before the Giver (Romans 1), that’s always the end result.

When you see your errors, it takes time to correct them (Acts 1:7—Message). When you build your house upon “the sands of sin”, storms come and…sometimes you separate…or file for divorce. THE FOUNDATION WAS NOT SOLID OR STABLE. We are called to be founded on the rock (Matthew 7:24-29). The Lord and his teachings are the rock by which everything we do should be built. To build on the wrong foundation, and then not honor the Lord’s Word (again) enough to try and get out of covenant (Malachi 2:14)? Hmph. Bold, at best. Actually, bold, at least. You went into it wrong. A part of repenting is acknowledging that and letting HIM make it right; however HE deems fit.

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”---Hebrews 13:4 (Message)

This Word tells us that we all, single and married alike, should honor marriage and guard its sacredness. It deserves our high respect…our public esteem…our courteous regard. When something is “sacred”, it is to be “secured against violation, infringement, etc., as by reverence or sense of right”. Sex is for marriage. It deserves all of this as well…especially from those who claim to be disciples of Christ.

In the past few days, I have seen three of my past sexual soul ties. One said to me, “You look taller.” (That would be called “obedience”, playa-LOL). Another, who I was so bound to, I loathed…for years, spoke to me and I spoke freely (“Hey, how are you?”…and meant it!-LOL). The final one? He came up to me and asked why I had not reached out to him in awhile. I simply said, “I don’t talk to anyone [intimately] who partook of the forbidden fruit.” To him, it didn’t make sense. TO HIM, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. We’re not in covenant and to me, it shows that I am healing and taking my marriage preparation very seriously. Finally.

I pray for my friends who fornicated before marriage. I sincerely do because I love them. But my mother used to often say that “Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher.” I DON’T WANT THEIR TESTIMONY. I’ve had “thieves in my temple”. It has taken A LOT OF WORK to restore it. On my wedding night, I want to be able to present my body as “a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God”. That is my reasonable (covenant) service (Romans 12:1). I don’t want to waste one day without the Holy Spirit dwelling within my temple, teaching me how to love, esteem and serve (gasp! YES, SERVE), my covenant partner. It’s only in acknowledging God, that we get direction, right (Proverbs 3:6)? Why do you think people who choose to be without him are called, “lost”.

And so, if you are a single person, I really hope you will make the choice to value your temple, soberly, starting now. If you are in a relationship where spiritual incest has occurred, again, marriage doesn’t fix that. REPENTANCE DOES and I don’t know any crack heads that go into rehab by hanging out with their dealers (I’ll leave that right there). As I often say, “What wives do for commitment’s sake, when girlfriends do it? That’s called ‘settling’.” Your “Jacob”, at the very least, needs to become “Israel”, first (Genesis 32:24-30). YOU CAN’T DO THAT. ONLY YAHWEH GO’EL, THE GOD WHO REDEEMS, CAN. Move out of the way. Get your own self healed (and your boyfriend can’t do that, either).

If you’re married, especially if it’s troubled, and you see your testimony in this message, all I’m really led to say lust is impatient; love is not (I Corinthians 13:4). Again, it’s a bold move to decide that you can sin against the Lord and be forgiven but someone who sinned against you should not (Luke 6:37). Divorce is an ultimate example of non-forgiveness. CHOOSE WISELY. Restoration takes time.

And to all of us, let us remember, daily, that we’re not just a shell. We are the place where the Holy Spirit dwells. WE ARE HOLY GROUND. Thieves take things of value. That’s what demons do, too.

Don’t let ‘em. You’re much too royal (I Peter 2:9) and Adonai’s plans are much too big (Ephesians 3:20) for that!

©Shellie R. Warren/2010

The show was great. XXXchurch even landed on TMZ. Here are some recaps.

Breyanne Nordtvedt

The grace of God followed us throughout the entire Porn Convention. I felt prepared and equipped for every interaction, every conversation and every encounter. The darkness of the environment seemed to bounce right off. I am so grateful for the opportunity to reach the men and women we had the privilege of reaching. There was such openness and receptiveness. I praise God for the work He accomplished and for the prayers that went before us.

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Steven Kiefer

My Wife and I had a great time at this years XXXpo! One specific encounter I remember was with a guy that ran a slip n'slide booth next to us who's name ironically was Christian. I walked up to him and introduced myself....after a few "what up's" "not much" "what up with u" we started chatting about XXXchurch and their involvement at those Porn Expos.

All of a sudden he says: "I wouldn't make a good Christian" to which I answered: "don't worry, me neither!" I smiled and walked away thinking, man, what an awful answer, I surly could have thought of something better to say.

On my way home the entire scenario replayed in my mind and I realized that maybe for that one moment (right after my weird comment) we stood on an even playing field, and I wonder if that is not exactly what GOD is telling us (christians) on a daily basis "don't worry son/daughter you are ok right where you are...now get up and keep moving!"

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Harmony Dust

Does Jesus Love P0rn?

“Are you saying Jesus loves porn?” a half-dressed girl in a children’s bounce house asked us as she held the “Jesus Loves P0rn Stars” t-shirt up to herself. She was one of a few dozen girls hired at the p0rn convention to entertain the patrons by swinging on swings and playing on see saws and other children’s apparatuses.

“No. Because that would be weird,” Rachel a fun-loving, boisterous volunteer began,“but he loves p0rn stars and all of the people IN p0rn. I think if he were here today, he'd show up at p0rn conventions and say the same thing.”

Throughout the rest of the Exxxotica P0rn Convention in Los Angeles last weekend, the Treasures team partnered with XXX Church and shared that very message. Jesus loves people.

We were joined by Crissy, a stunning young woman who left p0rn at the height of her career, in order to follow Jesus. Her compassion for the women still in the industry seeps out of her pores and was evident in all of her encounters with them.

One moment I looked over to see her eyes filled with tears as she talked to one of the girls. “I was in the business for 6 years,” she shared.

The woman’s face softened upon seeing Crissy’s empathy. “It’s hard, isn’t it?” the woman responded.

Next to the bounce house was one of many tables of women signing autographs. But these women were not signing autographs for their p0rn-stardom. They were noted as being the “Scandalous Women of 2010”, a title awarded for having affairs with the likes of Tiger Woods and Jesse James. They were being given celebrity status for having sexual relationships with married men.

My stomach flip-flopped. Are we really living in a culture that rewards adultery with fame?

I was reminded of Jesus’ response to the woman at the well, a “scandalous woman” of her day. “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water," Jesus said to her.

Out of all of the people in the bible, this woman’s story resonates with me the most. I have been a scandalous woman in my own right and I identify with the depth of her need and the lengths she goes to in order to satisfy it. After years of looking to men, food, sex, attention, (you name it) to fill me, I have discovered that only One Thing will satisfy. Only Jesus can quench my insatiable thirst in a way that is true and lasting.

My heart broke as I handed each the women signing autographs a gift. Not BECAUSE of them, but FOR them. Because I believe that if they knew the “gift of God”, they would not be compelled to drink from the salty cup of infidelity. If they truly knew, they would walk away from that hollow well of fame, and instead thirst for Living Waters.

Jesus loves scandalous women. He loves p0rn stars and addicts. He even loves prideful, religious, judgmental folks. And when I contemplate my own heart and nature, it is just as awe inspiring that He loves me.

Love, Harmony Dust
Founder of Treasures, Author of Scars and Stilettos

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Rob Supan

The thing I've always found most fascinating since the first show I ever attended until now has been the incredible people and their stories. You assume at first that the crowd fits some preconceived mold, that the stereotype you've created in your mind will be the reality you experience on the show floor. That notion was shattered early on. From the first interactions on the floor of a porn show several years ago until now, I realized that the opportunity these outreaches offer is the privilege of hearing real people share incredibly personal parts of their lives with you condensed into a few minutes at our booth. Story after story of people and their unique backgrounds and experiences... stories you never saw coming, personal stories, private moments that I'm sure they didn't anticipate sharing when they purchased their ticket to the porn show that day. I've learned to expect them now. I look for them. This show was no different.

"I spent two years in seminary," was the beginning of one conversation I had. Now a Buddhist who runs a music magazine for Black and Latino punk and hardcore (I know, right?!), we talked for some time about the path that lead him from his upbringing in the church to where he was today. He talked about the struggle he experienced with the church, the frustration he felt with Christianity as he experienced it, and the acceptance he received in his Buddhist circles. He allowed me to ask questions and probe a bit deeper, and he asked questions of his own. Amazing, really, when you consider it all taking place on the pink carpet of an exotica convention.

Though the circumstances of his story were unique and his own, it occurred to me after we exchanged information and he walked away that his story wasn't so different from the others I had heard. His path to Buddhism wasn't so much a turning away from God, but rather a response to the misrepresentation of God that others tried to sell as authentic. That maybe had he experienced the truer representation of the person of Jesus in those who claimed to follow Him, things might have had a different outcome.

That thought became a challenge for me over the next few days. Do the people that encounter me see Jesus or do I muddy the waters with my own garbage and agendas? Do I represent Jesus well or stand as an obstacle to people experiencing the love of a Savior? I don't know how well I measured up to those questions, but that's the challenge, isn't it?. I can't say with any certainty that anyone's life was changed by a few minutes of conversation and a smile in our booth, but if God is using these conversations to affect others as much as they affect me, then yes, change is taking place.

One conversation at a time.

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Danielle Vitabile

Once again it was a blessing and honor to serve alongside you guys and be the hands and feet of Christ.  The show helped to challenge me to not be afraid to share the good news of the gospel and love of Christ with all people, even if I fail, a lot.  It gets me out of my faith comfort zone to which I am so grateful. It has prepared me to be a volunteer at Wyld Life camp next week (scares me more then going to a porn show:).  It was a blessing to have one of the dancer stations (that trampoline thing) right by the booth and opened up the opportunity to have some in-depth conversations with two of the girls working for the show about life, God, family and Oasis (great to have somewhere to refer them to).  This whole experience has further prepared my heart to talk to my church about possibly bringing a strip club outreach to the area I am at.

Most importantly these opportunities always speak to me that I don't have to go to a porn show to share the love and truth of Christ with others, that it is being faithful and sharing these things with the people God has already given me that matters most.  That even thought I do not have it all together, the Lord is still merciful and can work  through me.

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Joy Hoover

We left Vegas at 4:30am and headed for LA Exxxotica. I’m not a real morning person, so as we arrived at 9:00am, I was already feeling a little crabby. As we set up, people started arriving to their booths. Right next to our ‘Jesus Loves Porn Stars’ booth, was a well-known Porn Star's booth. Her make-up artist started talking with us, asking questions about who we are, and what we do. The conversation continued, and when we were completely set up, she came to me and said, “I only came here because I really need the money. I really didn’t want to be here, but know that things happen for a reason, and I was supposed to meet you guys! I want to get involved with you guys!” She hugged me and thanked us for being there.

As I walked away from that hug, I realized that God had such big plans for the trip, and knew that if I was just open to conversations, He was going to use me, and that was exactly what he did a couple hours later! That afternoon, we left to get lunch for everyone. It ended up being the trip from hell as we got lost for an hour, parked in the wrong parking lot, and I broke a nail. I was literally tearing up as we were walking in, and my tired, hungry, emotional self was just about broke down. Then we heard a voice behind us walking, she said, “Hi guys!” We turned around to see the porn star whose booth was directly next to ours. “Hi, we said!” She was like, “Oh I thought I knew you guys, sorry!” We were like, “You do know us, we’re neighboring booths.” And that’s how the conversation started.

She went on to tell us that she thought it wasn’t coincidental that we were next to her booth. She had just gotten out of porn for 2 years and worked at a church in North Dakota. She was a children’s minister. As we asked why she had gotten back into porn, she stated, “For a number of reasons.” Something clicked in the conversation, and she literally started pouring out her heart about how she used to cry every day, because there were so many politics in the church, and she was hurt so bad. The conversation ended as we walked into the convention, but before we parted I looked her in the eyes and said, “We are nothing like them, and we are here if you need anything at all!” She replied back, “Oh I know you’re not, I know a lot about you guys!” That encounter blew me away. If we wouldn’t have gotten lost, and parked on the opposite end of the parking lot, we would have never had that conversation. God totally knew what He was doing!

Throughout the convention, there were other little conversations that really made an impact on me. One in particular was when we brought Starbucks to the porn stars. As we walked up to the bigger named porn stars booth, thinking we would be shunned, one of them got teary eyed as we offered her a coffee. She said why are you doing this? We replied, because we want you to know that you are loved. Jesus absolutely loves porn stars, and so do we! She said, “wow at least somebody loves us!” You wouldn’t believe the barriers that are broken down by a cup of hot coffee, a little pink gift bag, and a ‘Jesus loves porn stars’ t-shirt. We built relationships with the Exxxotica models, who were hired to jump on trampolines and dance on polls in lingerie, both new and old names in porn, and 2 of the sweetest gay men who operated a lubricant slip and slide right in front of our booth. These men had new questions about what we do and what we believe every day! One of them said he loved what we do so much that he brought us a whole supply of lotions and bath salts that he created. We are planning to have dinner when they come to Vegas!

I am absolutely honored to have been able to chat with and love on people of all walks of life with absolutely no agenda, except to let them know that they are completely loved! I am thankful for every conversation, every hug, and every encounter at Exxxotica LA, and I can’t wait for the next convention!


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Phil Hoover

My experience at Exxxotica LA 2010 was very similar to Joy’s. From  getting lost while looking for lunch (which is really embarrassing for me because I worked in downtown LA  for a year) to meeting a pornstar who had been out of the “business” for two years and working at a church, our time was mostly spent together.

There are a few things that really stand out for me. Meeting two gay entrepreneurs who have just launched a line of personal care products and having deep conversation about the church and homosexuality was, to me, thrilling. These men are very open about the hurt they feel towards Christians.  I was honored to, hopefully, change their perspective.  

Speaking to a few of the “dancers” was also an eye opener for me. Seeing them take photos with stranger’s arms around them got me thinking. I asked one of the girls if she was annoyed or creeped out by this. “After the first day, you just kinda tune it all out.” she responded. Most of the girls I spoke with said they didn’t work in the industry, but were “just there to make some extra cash.”

Sadly, most of the conversations I had about faith, Christianity, or God evolved into the judgment and condemnation they felt from the church. I spoke to one woman who said she had worked at a Christian college, but had left because of “politics and in-fighting”. She told me that she still loves God, just not Christians. But I did get to go on a sex-lube Slip-and-slide…


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Krissee Danger

This year at Exxxotica was interesting because it was a lot smaller than usual. That might sound bad, but I actually enjoyed the slower pace because it made it a lot easier to connect with people in a more relaxed environment.

Our booth was directly across from an area where girls from the show were stationed to work, so it was a great opportunity to talk to the girls and befriend them. They were all so sweet, and couldn't stop thanking me when I offered them water.

In a place where everyone wants something from them, I think they feel both relieved and safe that we are there for them, no strings attached. It's definitely exhausting so be at the show, even though it was smaller, there was still so much sadness.

On more than one occasion I went into the bathroom to hear someone throwing up or see someone smoking weed. These girls are pulled in all directions at all times, so I love being able to be there with them, whether it's to offer a makeup touch up, some water or some coffee. Every show I go to, I am more and more sure of how much we are needed there. It was a great experience! Can't wait for the next show!

OK...

Sometimes I run across a Scripture that I know I should probably blog on...but I end up, what I call, "bookmarking it" until I can figure out totally why.

Today, I got my "why".

You know, Chris Rock can be...let's say, "open" with his dialogue (LOL) and so while I will refrain from quoting him verbatim, I do recall him once saying that he didn't understand why you would dress for a job you didn't work. And, brilliantly (because it supports the message that I am wanting to convey today), he was referring to women who dress, let's say...immodestly. Actually, he articulated more like so:

Prostitutes. Hookers. Harlots. Whores. Hos.

They dress to make money, right? At least traditionally, that's what their attire was for. The clothes that they picked showed off their, eh hem, merchandise.

Yet, as I think about some of the things that I used to put on, on this side of abstinence, I can't help but to wonder if I did it for very similar reasons. I mean, I never had sex for money...but sometimes, I wonder who's better off: hookers or fornicators. They both are sinful (Proverbs 5, Hebrews 13:4) but at least hookers get SOMETHING for their trouble. A lot of the time, I was the one who ended up losing money (no joke) due to taking care of grown men. Head's up: any single woman who let's a man think that having sex with you for your birthday is a "birthday present" (crickets), IT'S NOT SUFFICIENT. He's a cheapskate. Get out now (no joke!).

You also might want to check out one of my other blogs to see all of the synonyms of "childish", too. It's quite revelatory...if I do say so myself:

http://onfirefastmovement.blogspot.com/2010/07/on-fire-man-of-god.html

OK, but back to the point of THIS message. So the whole "dress for the job" thing...I've been really giving it some thought. The longer I am abstinent, the more I value my body and the less I want people gawking at it. I mean, WHY do I need YOU to know every curve of my body in my jeans. You ain't gonna get what's in 'em, so what's the point? For you or for me?

That's when this Scripture really began to illuminate in my psyche. Actually, it's more like a couple of lines in a series of verses in Scripture that references false teachers:

"They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls."---2 Peter 2:13 (NKJV)

While Christ was on the earth, he said that if a man even looks at a woman lustfully, he has committed adultery in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28)...in his innermost central being...in the center of his emotion...at the center of his total personality. THAT SHOULD BRING THE WHOLE "WATCHING PORN IS NOT AS BAD AS HAVING SEX" THEORY TO A SCREECHING HALT RIGHT THERE.

Yet, what really caught me about the 2 Peter Scripture was, "If someone's eyes are full of adultery", someone must be giving them something to look at. What would the world be like if we all thought about it from this perspective before walking out the door every morning?

Oh, but what really put the "robe on the lingerie" was when I read an article today about a woman by the name of Sheyla Hershey, who is currently considered to have the world's largest breasts (38KKK) and is also experiencing a series of staph infections due to her multiple plastic surgeries.

I've seen a picture of her, and although she has a pretty face, that is not what I spent much time looking at, even as a heterosexual woman. I can't speak for what her motive was in getting them (she seems to compare plastic surgery to working out?!?), but I do know that breasts are all I really noticed...and will probably be all that I really remember. If she wasn't advertising her breasts, why get some that are so obnoxious in size and why dress to where virtually all of them are showing? Why put yourself in the position to be used by the kind of people whose "eyes are full of adultery" AND why would you cater to people with that kind of weakness? How is that helping anyone?

Oh, but the real "hook, line and sinker" is that her infections could end up costing her...not only the fake breasts, but the ones that the Lord gave her as well. In her not being at peace with being enough (lust), she could end up losing what the Lord felt was just enough (love). The legacy of having the largest breasts in the world...could end up costing Sheyla her life.

I feel her pain. The same...but differently.

How many times have I made "sexy" a priority over been "virtuous"? How many times have I "false advertised" by saying I'm a disciple, when I dress like a hooker? How many times have I wanted a MAN to approve of me more than his CREATOR? Does my flesh properly represent my spirit?

In times past, more times than not...it hasn't. And yeah, it cost me.

Yesterday, I saw this chick with great legs. And thighs. *sigh* I can't figure out for the life of me why parents let their daughters rock those shorts that look like panties. Nothing but her lower half caught the attention of those she walked past (IT WAS OBVIOUS) and as physically beautiful as many women are, when the Lord said that we were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), being that God is a Spirit (John 4:24) and we are made in his image (Genesis 2:24-25), you can best believe he takes greater note (and delight) of us showing off our character than our clothes...or lack thereof.

So what motivates your wardrobe decisions? Do you dress to make money? Or do you dress to accentuate your beauty...the one that has nothing to do with bedroom activity?

Advertising is about making a buck. False advertising also comes with a price.

In what (why and where) you do it, choose wisely.

Just ask Sheyla what happens when you don't.

I saw these stats on infidelity and thought they were interesting. Sadly, I thought that some of them looked a little low (see link below). 

The section on why people have affairs really struck me. If these studies are accurate, it appears that men have affairs for physical reasons, whereas women have them for more emotional, intimacy-related reasons. The reasons for men are; 44% want sex more often and 40% want variety in their sexual partner. The three reasons listed for women are: 40% want more emotional attention, 33% want to be reassured that they're still desirable, and 11% cheat for revenge.

As wives of men addicted to sex and/or pornography, we are susceptible to these three things. We often feel emotionally isolated, undesirable, and angry (even to the point of wanting revenge) as a result of our husbands' addictions. These feelings can lead to fantasizing about old boyfriends, coworkers, or friends from church. The fantasies may not be sexual but more commonly are about having what we've idealized as the perfect relationship. What may seem like harmless, secret fantasies are actually a slippery slope to adultery. 

James 1:14-15 says, "But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death."

Wives, we may have been hurt and we may be very, very angry, but we must always guard our hearts and walk in His righteousness. 

Via: Online Schools

If you didn't know June was Internet Safety Month and Yahoo! released the results of a survey they recently commissioned about Parents and Online Safety. The results were pretty interesting and, according to the survey, parents are doing a good job in some areas and in others they need more help and education.

Let's take a look and some of the results:

• Check to see where children are searching online.
• Set time limits for children’s use of computers or cell phones.
• Set parental controls on video sites.
• Use filters to limit where children go on the Web.

I just got back from an amazing vacation with the family. We flew straight from our vacation to New Orleans. I am currently staying right on Bourbon Street surrounded by 40,000 teenagers. This is not Mardi Gras this is for a youth conference. Kind of a crazy place for a national youth gathering. If you don't know about Bourbon Street read more about it here.

I was here 9 years ago for the same event. Excited to be back. I get to speak three times to about 12,000 kids. My good friends David Dean and Jason Harper are speaking as well. 

Back to Vegas late Tuesday night.

In case you were in the dark, X3watch has been released for ANDROID phones and iPhones. Get the accountabilty software now. Check out this story.

Apple probably needs a laugh about now, and this might be giving them one.  After all, Apple CEO Steve Jobs once famously said that "Folks who want porn can buy an Android phone." This Ann Arbor, Michigan woman didn't buy an Android phone for porn, but got it anyway, and preloaded to boot.

The reason that Rhonda Lee ended up with porn on her phone is that the HTC EVO 4G she bought wan't new. She bought it from a third-party (read: not corporate) Sprint store, and they said it was new, but that was obviously not the case.

There were five video clips on the phone, some as long as 12 minutes. Worse, Lee ended up discovering the clips when she was showing the device, which has been sold out for a great deal of its "lifespan," to co-workers.

Lee tried to return it to the third party store, but employees first denied that the phone had been used. Later, they 'fessed up and said it had been returned by another customer. Meanwhile, Lee is still looking for an apology from Sprint (realistically, it's unclear why as this is obviously not a corporate store), the Sprint corporate offices told her she could get a replacement phone at one of their stores.

We have told you before about www.stuffchristianslike.net. It is a great site written by a guy named Jon and he just released a book as well you can get here.

We had him on the podcast way back when. You can take a listen to it here. We are going to be shooting a video with him in November. I just re-read what he posted on his site about porn and wanted to share it with you. You can check it out on his site as well here.

(Yesterday, the ministry xxxchurch.com interviewed me about SCL, what the hipsters are calling this site. I will let you know when their podcast is up. I’ve been meaning to write about porn for a while and here it is. Read this one and then for a laugh, hopefully, #173. The Crock Pot, a Love Letter. )

When I was in the eighth grade, I used to pretend to go sledding at the dump so that I could find porn the workers kept in the bulldozers there.

There are 12 billion reasons for me to write that sentence and 2 for me to not write it. The two are my in-laws, as this is bound to be the kind of post you hate for your mother-in law to read. And the ladies in her bible study aren’t much better. But every year, the porn industry makes something like $12 billion a year. So there we are.

I hope that your church is proving this post wrong right now. I hope programs like Celebrate Recovery or Walking Free in Atlanta, or the Samson Society in Nashville are changing the lives of the men in your community. That’s possible and powerful and I hope it’s working.

But according to the magazine, Psychology Today, 66% of men between the ages of 18 and 34 look at porn at least once a month. And some studies estimate about 25% of men look at it while at work. Stat after stat seems to indicate that in many ways, porn is winning.

Why? I think there are a few reasons:

1. We give the world a head start.
A counselor once told me the average age that a kid is exposed to hardcore porn is 6. Let’s pretend he was off by two years and assume 8. Most parents talk with their kids once or twice when they are 12 or 13 about sex. So porn and the world have had almost a five year head start on with your kid. If you took karate for five years and I took it for one day, how long would it take you to crush me?

2. We forget to mention porn is magic.
Yes, porn is gross and ugly, but the first or second time a guy ever sees porn is an incredibly captivating experience. I’ve heard guys describe it as “more colors than I knew existed,” and “I felt drunk.” It’s a powerful, intoxicating experience. It’s like staring at the sun through a kaleidoscope. And when the extent of our “don’t look at porn” lesson for kids consists of us saying “don’t look at porn,” we leave our kids really vulnerable.

3. We write iffy books.
There aren’t a tremendous amount of Christian resources when it comes to pornography and some of the ones we do have are questionable. Take for instance the bestselling series, Every Man’s Battle. Here is what they say on page 118, “your wife can be a methadone-like fix when your temperature is rising.” On 120, the wife of one of the authors continues this idea, “Along with prayer, there are other ways you can help him win this battle. Once he tells you he’s going cold turkey, be like a merciful vial of methadone for him. Increase your availability to him sexually, though this may be difficult for you since your husband might have told you some things that repulse you.” Some of the byproducts of porn are selfishness and objectification. To encourage guys to objectify their wives as methadone and tell them that even though I did things that repulsed you, I have needs, is horrible. And if we’re supposed to love our wives like Christ loved the church, did Christ ever get a “fix” off the church? The drug reference is used in the book because they reference the idea that men have a sexual need every 72 hours. Like Neil Armstrong walking on the moon, I’m proud to say that I have gone longer than 72 hours and lived to talk about.

4. We think we can handle it.
I spoke at a rehab clinic the other day to a small group of drug, alcohol and sex addicts. I promise you that everyone in that room had at one point said, “I can handle this.” But here’s the thing, if you started looking at porn when you were 13 and you’re 23 now then you’ve spent the last 10 years rewiring the way your body works. That’s not just spiritually. For a decade you’ve changed how you chemically, physically and emotionally deal with the hormones in your body. You’ve created a million man army of synapses that are desperate for dopamine. You’ve made your body your worst enemy and all the self control or “try harder” in the world can’t beat that alone. (The first half of that sentence sounded like a Creed lyric. Please accept my apologies.)

5. We let the world tell us crazy things.
I recently wrote about a liquor ad I saw in Rolling Stone with the headline, “Your mom wasn’t your dad’s first.” I love that. So that my dad was a slut is supposed to make me want to drink more whiskey? That makes no sense. But every day, the world comes up with these crazy ideas about sex and we don’t do a good job pointing out how foolish they are.

Those are a few of my ideas, but ultimately, porn isn’t my ministry. But there are people out there that have really wise, important things to say about the subject. XXXChurch.com is a great ministry and can hook you up with filters and other resources. The book “Breaking Free” by Russell Willingham is a brilliant look at the porn problem. But above all, tell somebody. If you struggle with it, don’t buy the idea that it’s “just something guys do” or that “you’re the only one.” Isn’t it funny that porn gets to use both excuses? On the one hand it tells you it’s a widely accepted thing and on the other it tells that if people really knew what you did they wouldn’t love you. What a lie.

That’s the porn post. I promise that “#173. The Crock Pot, a Love Letter” is roughly 87% funnier.

Ridiculous. I mean, seriously. A seven and a half pound burger, plus side dishes? And he just swallows it on down in less than an hour. What a beast! 

I don't know how many of you watch the show "Man v. Food", but the shows host Adam is seriously a food guy. He can simply put stuff away. From monster burgers to six and a half pound milkshakes; crazy. You have to wonder though, mainly because the Travel Channel never shows it, what happens when he gets "too" full? That's all off camera stuff I guess, but I can't imagine all that food sitting well. Especially the hot stuff.

The hot stuff is a tricky thing. From challenges with six wings to others with twelve. As much as he can put some of them down, there are some he just can't handle. The tears pour down his face. The sweat more than beads up. It's all that capsaicin building up to critical levels. Really, we aren't supposed to eat that stuff. 

That's the deal. We aren't supposed to be putting those things into our bodies. It's too hot. It hurts too much. Over time, we will eventually either cause ourselves to callous, or worse, end up with holes everywhere inside. 

1 Corinthians 6:18 // 2 Timothy 2:22

The things we are supposed to stay away from are sometimes the things we are attracted to the most, and it's these things that can end up hurting us more than anything else. 

So instead of putting ourselves into a position to get burned, let's just stay away from the things that will end up calloused, and full of holes.

People ask often “how can my viewing of porn affect others around me.  I watch it alone; it’s just me and the porn this can not possibly affect others.”  However your actions and habits affect everyone around and your relationship with them.  We hope that with each section we can bring some light to each area and how it affects you and others in your life.

How do you explain to your kids why daddy or mommy is going away? Thankfully this did not happen to Brian and me but, so many other people do not get the “happy” ending that we did.  Families are broken up, kids get separated from one another and their life is changed forever. Porn addiction affects the whole entire family.

A Childs Observation

Have you ever noticed your kid(s) doing something that was wrong and you tell them “don’t do that?”  Then they reply “but, you did it.”  Now if you’re a parent I’m pretty sure that most of you have heard that same thing come out of your kid(s) mouth.  Below is a piece of a blog I recently stumbled across.
 “A friend was hurt and angry when his 16-year-old daughter left home and, for 18 months, slept with every male she could get her hands on.  While I was counseling her, it almost seemed she was bragging about her sexual popularity.  Her Dad was angry at the world, but, having known him for years, I knew the problem was closer to home.  You see, for most of the time she was growing up, he had the Playboy bunny logo (rabbit's head) on his keychain, dangling from the steering column everywhere he drove her.  By this, and probably other signals, Dad communicated to his daughter what was important.  Sure, there were other factors, but her behavior after 16 was, in many ways, a fulfillment of years of programming."

Children notice and take note of everything we do.  They look up to their parents because we are their role models and the person they look to for answers.  They absorb everything they see us do in order to form opinions, actions and thoughts.

Guys, when you’re with your buddies and you’re talking openly about girls; your son will use this as an example how to treat girls he meets throughout his life.  Ladies, the shows that you watch where women sleeps with or hooks up with various partners; your daughter will use this when she gets into relationships with guys and think that this is the norm.  What we do as parents will be observed by our children and they see everything.  Even though we think they are not looking, they are and they notice everything their role model does.

Marriage by Example

Brian and I were not happy at all in our marriage and we had grown further apart.  He was angry all of the time and just not the man that I had married. This was not something that was hidden from people any more and our children saw it first hand almost on a daily schedule.  Frustrations and hurt feelings were driving us apart. I thought that the stress of work and not ever having enough money was really getting to Brian.

Kids are like students in a class room and we are the teachers who provide information on how to be adults & couples.  The display that Brian and I were providing for our children was sending mixed messages.  One moment things were good and then, we were fighting gain.  Whether it was because he was never home or because of our bills which were in part do to porn pay sites.  When Brian and I would fight it would trickle down to the kids through my attitude.  One of the kids would do something just a little bit annoying and already being upset I would snap back at the kids.

We also never really showed true affection to each other in front of our kids because he never would want to hold hands, gently kiss me or just hold me in front of the kids.  Instead all he ever waned to do was have sex and you just don’t do that in front of your children.  It is ok to show your children that you love each other through public affection.

“Your Dirty Little Secret”

The average age that a child sees porn for the first time is now at the age of 11 and is getting younger.  The scary thing is that in order for it to be an average there had to be a balance of kids viewing porn at a younger age as well.

I read so many confessions that start out with how that person’s addiction got started.  The number one way that people are introduced to pornography is by looking at their parents porn stash that they find.  As parents Darcy and I often talk about what traits, habits, and morals we will pass on to our children.  Things like faith, manners, kindness, hard working, and loving are words that we often use during these conversations. Your love for porn is not one that I think anyone wants to pass down.  How ever this is exactly what can happen when we do not remove it from our lives.

I am not just talking about the magazines, movies, or books that you may be hiding but, also your computer usage.  Your habits and usage on the internet is used in the favor of the pornographer and is their opportunity to bombard your email with advertisements for porn.  Not only is your address in the computer but, so are those of your children.  Next thing you know porn links are being emailed to them because of your quick visit to a porn site.

Not only do you have the email to worry about but, your history is a major link between kids and their parent’s porn habits.  You may only be a casual user or you may be addicted to it.  It does not matter it still has a way of working its way into our children’s lives.  How would you feel if your child posted a confession here that they were addicted to porn and their confession starts out; “It all started when I found my parents porn.”?

My children are younger and to explain to them what their dad was doing wouldn’t be right; yet.  My son knows that for some time his dad was absent from his life on a regular basis.  I was also a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at the drop of a hat making him scared of how I’d react next.  I was always on edge afraid of getting caught by someone.  Now, I did not tell him that porn was the reason I acted out the way that I did.  I did how ever sit down with him apologize asking for his forgiveness for the way I acted toward him and his sister.  I missed out on a lot of things in their lives and I will never be able to get that time back but, I can make sure that it never happens again.  You are never alone in your actions what you do affects everything and everyone around you; even your children.

Family Time

The main thing that I have seen in our family time is that it has become enjoyable. There are no weird feelings or anxieties in the air. Brian and I are able to show love toward one another now and have it be true feelings. With things settled down the time together is more pleasant, less yelling and screaming at one another. We are able to enjoy all of what God has given to us, knowing what life was like before Brian’s recovery started, I am thankful for every new day with our family.

I think this has to be one of the hardest things for the wife of an addict.  We are misunderstood from all sides.  Our husband's don't get (usually) why this causes such a deep inner sickness in the depths of our heart and our soul.   Our church (if they even are willing to get involved) wants to try every approach but how the Bible tells the church to deal with a believer in habitual sin.   They focus on him for a period of time (rightfully so) but I have seen and heard of very few churches who address this GOD's way when everything else they try still leaves them with a backsliding Christian amongst the body for years and years.

Often the wife is left somewhere in the back of the room yet it is us who are on the front line of spiritual warfare for the souls of our husband's. It is us in the one flesh relationship being affected by everything our spouse submits himself to.  It is us who is left in the aftermath and who sees who he has really become and the depths he has gone to and the depravity of sin he has become enslaved to behind closed doors. 

Paul addressed the church of Corinth (brothers and sisters in the Lord Jesus) when he said they were so desensitized by the sin in the church (a man (brother in the Lord) amongst them in a lifestyle of sexual sin) because they had become accustomed to it!  This sin is so rampant amongst the church and in the body it is affecting ALL of us (The body/The Church). [Reference 1Corinthians 5]  How is it that we continually avoid this when it comes to someone in habitual sexual sin?

Our friends don't understand why we 'put up with it'.  His friends don't understand why we are not more forgiving, loving or [fill in the blank]. Families are usually split down the middle; In my case my family has supported me while never once saying a bad thing about my husband (most women do not have this).  His family has pretty much written me off because after all that old cliche of 'blood being thicker than water' seems to be the case even though I am not the one who broke our marriage covenant. 

The world misunderstands us.  They deny this is an epidemic, they deny it destroys marriages. They deny it eats away at the mind.  They deny, deny, deny leaving us to look like the ones who have blown it all out of proportion.  They say things like "if a guy would prefer this over the real deal then he is just a jerk and not all guys are like that."   They aren't there to see that your husband can't concentrate at work let alone at the dinner table in normal conversation.  They don't see the look on your husband's face when you tell him you are devastated that you lost your favorite pair of ear rings and he says "Oh that is wonderful honey"  because he is thinking about fantasy and not listening.  They aren't there when he is puking his brains out in the toilet covered in vomit and snot because he is completely undone over his addiction to this hideous counterfeit (PORN) and is miserable living a constant lie of chaos and yet cannot seem to help himself out of the pit of it.

This has been my life for 6.5 years with my husband.  Some women have been going through it for 20, 30, 40 & 50 years.... but I am talking about it.  You will talk about it.  We may be misunderstood but guess what?  So was the greatest man that ever walked and loved on the face of this earth.

Jesus was misunderstood.  Even the very people he hung out with who knew Him the best, who saw first hand the miracles and the love... rejected him in the end... even John the Baptist who proclaimed him from the beginning (even in his mother's womb!) and prophesied about who He was...but in the end questioned it all.

I can only imagine how Jesus felt.  The very people He was laying his life down for literally denied him making public statements that they valued him not by their words and their actions.

Isn't that what this is for us?  The very person we have joined ourself with, the very person we have entered into covenant with and gave up all rights to any other avenue that life might have taken us rejects us and by giving themselves to paper dolls declares us to be of no value to them? 

While I am the last one who wants to give any woman any reason to self loathe or take her eyes off of the cross and feel sorry for herself- I do want to VALIDATE you wives because I know what it is like to be invalidated!  Sometimes I think if we were just validated by our leadership- by our peers- by our family (especially his if they are involved) we would move more quickly into the healing process and move forward in a greater pace knowing that we have the support and the encouragement we need to continue in the fight!  Somehow standing in it alone (even in prayer & fasting) can be overwhelming.  We need the same grace that is offered to our spouses.  We need what GOD has spoken and it should be extended to us. 

Deuteronomy 1:9-13

Luke 11: 42-46

Galatians 6:2

1Tim 5:8

Ladies- the Lord really takes this seriously and I am telling you that HE is our covering and HE is the one who will protect us. [Read 1 Tim 5:5]  Pastors: you have been called to shepherd your flock.  When a wife loses the covering her husband is supposed to provide- GOD has appointed you to cover her.  When she doesn't get that covering she is opened up to so much more spiritual attack. When a man in the church has fallen into sexual sin he needs to be rebuked, corrected/instructed and restored gently. [Gal 6:1, 2 Tim 2:25] This is GOD's instructions, not mine.

Ladies, talk with your pastors- let them know what you need from them and from the church.  Don't shut down and isolate.  I am here to tell you it doesn't work... it makes things worse. Lastly- please don't forget  to come and fellowship with other ladies just like you in this same situation at Partners for Purity.  It should not replace your local church but it can be a source of hope and encouragement.

I am praying for all of you.

Previously Posted in October of 2008